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Come, sit with me, close your eyes, hold my hand, let's go far away from this place to the place in which you came from.
"Trust Yourself "
I have been working on getting back into my pattern of things after celebrating my birthday on Wednesday. It seems like the days are moving faster than I can keep up with. I thank you for sticking with me and overlooking my edit mistakes once again. ;) My mind truly works faster than my fingers, and once I get going, I'm gone. :)
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"Trust is hard to gain and easy to break," we've all heard that before. In the blog that I wrote on "What Are You Thinking?" "The Invisible Energy, that Becomes Visible," I said that I would talk about trust and relationships. I was leaning towards talking about trusting our feelings on resistance towards things that we face, but these topics intertwine.
For some trusting someone is the hardest act for them to do, especially those who were physically or mentally violated at an early age. We are especially impacted when we feel deceived by people who were supposed to be taking care of us. We hear people say, "Don't trust anyone." How can we live that way? We will never have any fulfillment in our relationships, and we can never be at peace with ourselves in continuously thinking that someone is up to something no good, and out to get us for something. When we look through the eyes of non-trust, we are to be sure to attract deceitful situations into our lives. I have heard people say, "I don't trust anyone," "I don't put anything past anyone." And what I hear is, "I don't trust myself."
It takes a lot of courage to trust someone else, I mean really trust them, without allowing the back of your mind to create unpleasant scenarios about them. We come to not trust people when they lie to us and we don't say to them, "I know you're lying to me." We don't talk about it, we internalize it. We just excuse the lies because we understand that it is something that they don't want us to know. Also it could be that it is something that we don't have proof that they are lying about, but it raises the eye within our mind. To have people or just one person in your life that you know that you can truly trust is a gift from The Most High to you. Loyalty and trustworthiness cannot be bought.
When I was younger I was a lot more trusting than I am now. As a small child I wasn't trusting at all, but as I grew to my adolescence years I became more trusting. I was more trusting to what people told me than the feelings and signals that I got about them. Being this way got me played. As I told you before, being too trusting towards people, and not trusting my gut got me involved with people who brought unpleasant experiences and memories to my life. I learned some valuable lessons though, and I am grateful that I learned them early. I needed to know, and to learn to trust myself over all of what people told me. It is in my nature to see the good in people, and sometimes that causes me to overlook the bad. But now I can see it all, and now I accept it all, because I have firm boundaries set for myself. I let people be who they are, but if my intuition tells me that they aren't trustworthy towards me, I believe it wholeheartedly. It doesn't matter what their words say, I go with God's compass.
When you become involved in a romantic relationship thinking that you can trust the other person, and in actuality they are the most untrustworthy, unfaithful, and deceitful kind that you could have ever come in contact with, it makes it extremely difficult to trust anyone in that fashion again. It stains so many people to the point of not ever wanting a romantic relationship again. The person that you shared your most intimate secrets with, is the person who is telling you one thing, and doing another, becomes a tough picture to look at. When we have been looking at the picture that they have been presenting the entire time, we just didn't want to see.
I have known things about people that I just didn't want to believe. I felt it, and feeling it hurt really bad, and I didn't want to go to that place. It is uncomfortable to know. When you know, you know, and it can be intensely uncomfortable to know. Sometimes others know before you know, but they don't want you to be hurt, so they won't tell you that they know. This makes you feel embarrassed because you realize that everyone else knew, and they didn't say anything to you. Well for one, they would be overstepping boundaries in doing so. Number 2, everything comes to you in Divine time. Number 3, it's no one's fault, when you knew all along.
Love injuries don't heal like physical injuries.
Whenever you are love injured, it consumes your heart and mind. It feels like your heart is breaking in tiny pieces every time the betrayal crosses your mind. The awful experience becomes rooted in your mind, and you feel it all over you. You want to do anything to shake it, but no amount of alcohol will do. Another relationship won't do either because you're not fully present, your heart is left in shambles, and the other person can feel this fragility. Our heart speaks loud, and others can hear it, and if it's really loud, they can feel it.
A love injury can't be stitched up, and then we we're good, because one small offense and we will bust the stitches bleeding on everything. A love injury has to be taken care of with tenderness and kindness. It has to be nursed and cared for, given acknowledgment of its presence, and the need for it to be tended to. We can't just act like it's not there. We can't act like it didn't happen, or that it's all good, because it's not. It can get to a point where it's all good inside of us, but this comes with dancing on the shadow side. This comes with doing the painful, uncomfortable, and distressing inner work that must be done, so that we can come to a point of acceptance and move on in happiness. We will be glad and grateful that it happened for us, because it wakes us up to something larger than ourselves. Someone hurting you, puts your life on track, and in perspective to what is most important to you. You get a big knock on the head, and now you know exactly what you need to be doing. And for once and from now on, you know that you need to put yourself first.
It's brave to love again after being misused, deceived, and hurt. People who go around doing this to others feel that there are no consequences for it. They think that they are hiding and nothing will ever come of it. But what they don't realize is universal law that always applies. They don't know that everything that we do, say, and become involved in is energy exchange. And energy just keeps exchanging and exchanging, never dying, but always transforming and transferring. So there will be a time when it all comes back to them. You may not ever know about it happening, and that will be fine with you, because you won't be focused on it. You will have healed from it. More than that, they will have to live with the agony of never having access to you and your beautiful heart again. You may not believe that this won't hurt them, but it will.
People who set out to do these deceitful acts are usually narcissists, and they need someone of kind spirit to feed off of. They need someone to manipulate, someone who will always be there for them to listen to their pains and problems, it's always all about them. They need someone to be there when they want them to be there, while they're never present when it counts. They never take true responsibility for anything that they do, and move on for virtuous change.
Whenever we come to trust ourselves, it is easier to trust others, because we trust our inner voice. We trust ourselves and our intuition to know what's good for us, and what we should get far away from. We are no longer foolishly blinded by love. A narcissist will make you believe that they love you more than anyone in the world. They will swear on their entire family if they have to, just to get what they want. You could never love them as much as they claim to love you, it's not real, they don' t even love themselves. They are incapable of knowing how to love and maintain a healthy emotional relationship. They put on a good face, but it is a fake face. You will find yourself feeling sorry for these kind of people, but when you feel pain, they won't be present for you.
This blog entry is about you trusting you. When you trust you, no one else can tell you about you. It will be darn hard for people to mislead you too, because you will know. You may allow it to go through just to prove to yourself that you knew.
Once it becomes entrenched in your subconscious mind that people are not trustworthy by nature, what will you attract? More untrustworthy people and situations will flood your experiences just to back up your theories. Whatever you think and feel deeply in your heart is what you will get every time. If you believe that this person will be like the last, that will be true. If you believe that there are no good men out there, you will never meet a good available man. You will always meet what you believe. You will encounter the same men in different outer suits, until you change what you believe about them. If you believe that women are treacherous and underhanded, you will meet every woman that acts this way. People get married every day, and there are people who are looking for good relationships. That's not to say that they are marrying trustworthy people, because some of them aren't trustworthy, but that is a lesson that they are faced with to learn.
It wasn't hard to move past my experience with the deceitful boyfriend. He bragged about all of the horrible things that he did in the relationship with me to other people like it was a good thing. That is some sociopathic behavior and I was being manipulated by it. All of the apologies were false, the tears were crocodile, and I would give in to the pleading on his part. Even though I didn't love him, even though everything inside of me told me to get far away from him, I chose to see the good qualities of him, and stick around, giving him more chances.
I had to not blame myself, but really come to think what was I doing in allowing myself to be around someone of that nature. Yes I was young, but I knew that something about him smelled rotten, and I was physically repulsed by his presence, and his energy. I didn't listen to my inner voice. I didn't know anything about inner work and energies back then, but I knew that I was extremely unhappy with him, even when he was being kind to me. Once my eye fully opened, I saw that he was never truly kind, that he was too damaged, and everything that he did was for his benefit. He was damaged from his own childhood experiences, and although that didn't give him an excuse, I can see him now.
I can see that I had my own childhood damages that I hadn't faced to heal. These childhood experiences come to lead us in our relationship choices, and they are real. Do not underestimate these experiences and what they have done to your subconscious mind, you must identify them, and heal. I don't care if it takes you forever to heal, keep working on it. Because if you don't, you will just attract others that bring out the things that you need to heal within yourself. This is why you have these experiences. God wants you to identify with your highest self, to elevate beyond your pain, and heal past these physical things that you must detach yourself from. To be free, so that your heart can truly expand where you can love completely, and know why you're here. Then you will know what love is. You will know consummate love.
It took me years to get pass the experience of being with someone so cunning. Remember I said that anything that you have to ponder over, you probably shouldn't do. I broke up with this guy a thousand times, and I let him back in a thousand times. It was something that I truly didn't want, but I allowed his voice to rule over mine. All I needed was to trust myself and love myself a little more than that.
Every time you forgive, you heal an aspect of yourself. There has been studies done on forgiveness and the progress that it brings to healing and strengthening our bodies. Forgiveness is for you, and it's not saying that you excuse what the other person did, it's saying that I am not going to continue to feel the pain from what the other person did. I am free from them, and I am not affected by them anymore. They don't get to rule any parts of your life. Your life belongs to you, and your mind does too.
When you can say and truly believe that you trust yourself, trusting others will come easier, and you will attract trustworthy people too. You will only distrust people whenever they give you a full reason to. I will tell you something that's really important, and you already know this, but I am reminding you anyway. When you don't trust people and you have it deep rooted in your heart and subconsciousness that people are generally untrustworthy, surely you must know that you will receive the same energy in return.
No one will trust you either. No one will trust you in relationships. All of your relationships will dissolve because of trust issues, and you will never realize that it's because of you. You won't be aware that it's the energy that you're sending out, your untrustworthy signal is inviting this to you.
Trust is to be earned, and your experiences should have earned you the commitment to trust yourself.
Thank you for reading! I am grateful for you!
I love you more and more,
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Raquel Givens Jones
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