WRITE NOW RIGHT NOW
Come, sit with me, close your eyes, hold my hand, let's go far away from this place to the place in which you came from.
The Journey of Healing
Sometimes I see social media posts about how there are no excuses for not being where you want to be in life, there are no excuses to be "broke." There are several self-defeating words like "broke" that I've banned from my vocabulary forever, I haven't used that word in years.
There are many people who are blessed financially, yet go around saying, "I am broke,"
I guess so that no one will ask them for financial help. It doesn't matter how much money you have, being broke is a state of mind. If you make the statement, "I am broke," listen to how it makes you feel. If you are aware of yourself and when you are speaking, you would never say broke behind the powerful words of "I am." I don't care how much money I have or don't have, I will always speak wealth. I don't care what kind of condition I am in, if I look like a fool to you,
I am going to always speak health, wealth, and the improvement of it. I don't care about how many people that don't love me, that lied about loving me, I am going to always radiate love,
I am going to love me, you, and be total love.
You can never fully understand how fighting for your health can impede your life unless it happens to you. You may not understand, but you can imagine, therefore you have empathy. You really don’t know how valuable your health is until you have problems with it that changes your plans, your life, interrupting your dreams. You can’t see how everything becomes 10 times harder to do when you are dealing and healing a chronic illness.
You are unable to see how dealing with chronic illness drastically affects every aspect of your life. You aren’t able to know how hesitant you are to RSVP to important events, or how it feels to miss out on special events that you really wanted to attend because you are in too much physical and mental pain. You can't see how the person who is dealing with a chronic illness pushes past severe pain just to go, to be supportive, to show up for you, and to have a great time. And you will never know how much they pay for coming to celebrate with you, the setback, and the recovery.
It’s a major adjustment being unable to do the things that you once enjoyed. It's downright heartbreaking to be unable to do the things that you are passionate about. Your social life is drastically changed, and when you do go out, you go in discomfort and pain while you are wearing a smile, and later you will pay up for it in pain. Certain jobs you just can’t do, your energy has to be specially managed and attended to, and you have to make sure that you don’t overdo.
If you are like me, you have totally underestimated how having health problems will change you. You may have discredited the journey of where it will take you. You will get to see how many people that don’t care to try and understand you, you will hear, “there’s no excuse…”
You will hear “let me know what I can do,”
and a lot of the time it’s not true.
You will keep your painful experiences to yourself because you don’t want pity or fixing advice from someone who has never experienced it, and you don’t want to see how cold people can be.
When you are healing an illness, your money goes out differently, sometimes unforeseen expenses for emergencies. There are special foods that you must eat in order to feel good, and there are medical bills, insurance, and holistic treatments if you are able to pay for it.
You may be unable to work affecting your finances. You may want some new shoes or to buy something nice for yourself, but you have obligations for medical expenses. You need to pay bills, but you need to pay for your medicines or a medical procedure.
You will have many sleepless nights, uncomfortable, up in pain, and wondering if it will ever end.
You can’t skip days without attending to your mind, Being conscious of what you eat, drink, what’s in your mind, and the company that you keep.
You have to get used to people not understanding or being empathetic towards your situation.
Through my experiences with chronic illness my motto became, “take care of your health so that you can take care of yourself.”
Take care of yourself because when you are constantly ill, you will need help from other people. If you are like me, you don't like needing people, so take care of yourself first.
With chronic illness and pain, you can be feeling good, and then the same day or the next day you are in severe pain. With lupus, you can be in extreme pain for days or even months with the pain never letting up enough for you to feel somewhat good. Your ability to think clearly will be adversely affected when you’re in pain for long periods of time.
Above all matters, you must have the WILL to live, you must want to live. You have to do the work, to be gentle with yourself, to not regret the journey that got you here, and to eat the healthy foods even when you don't want to. You must abstain from the things that aren’t good for you, to let go of the people who aren’t good for you, to love you, and release the people who don’t love you. You must tell yourself the bloody truth.
The chaos that you go through with illness will bring order to your life. You will relish the moments where you can dance, sing, laugh, and feel alive. Through illness you become to innerstand what’s most important, you will learn to stop comparing yourself to the people who don’t have health problems.
You will learn to let people go, especially the people who want to go.
Through the scares that chronic illness can bring, the hospital mistakes, the taking dangerous medications with nasty side effects, risky procedures, you gain discernment, and learn to listen to your inner being.
You will have to learn to love the way you look, you have to embrace the changes in your outer appearance, there is no space for shallowness.
“If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.” Hippocrates
Because no one knows your body better than you, I don't care what they try to tell you, and I don't care who it is, listen to you.
There are so many wonderful things that you get to learn when you have been healing a chronic illness, things you would have never thought about researching. You get to know how forgiveness is not an option, it’s a necessity. You learn how being in a state of lower emotion for too long affects you by making your situation worse flaring you up. You come to find out that you pay for every emotion and every thought. This is wonderful to know because before chronic illness, I bet you didn't know.
You don't get the leeway and chances that other people get, you must walk a fine line.
You learn love. You learn self-care. You learn self-worth, you don’t doubt being enough, you come to know that you are more than enough. You learn to let people walk away, you are grateful for the ones who stay, the one's that don't play about life. You see your experiences as lessons. You realize healing comes by being in solitude. You are grateful for those who make you feel good. You truly value the people that’s good to you.
You practice gratitude and you stop the habit of complaining. You notice your words, you have to speak the truth. You see the inside and outside of yourself, and you know that somewhere there’s someone who’s worse off than you.
You fight off depression, anxiety, sadness, and anger.
"Please Be Patient With Me, God Is Not Through With Me Yet."
I take the path of least resistance
I do what you tell me to do
I walk to the beat of my heart
I trust what you tell me to do
I let my words come from you
When I slip and fall I remember that
I am made from you
I am guided by your words
You know what is best
You have given me the gift of a higher self
I keep faith that it is already done. What I requested is already here. I am living in it, walking in it, breathing and tasting the beauty of it, it is near. So many of us are waiting for it to be done and it is already here.
I love y’all!
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Raquel Givens Jones
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