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Difficult People, Difficult Situations, Your Best Lessons
We all want to say that we are removing toxic people out of our lives, and moving out of toxic situations, but it is with those people and in those situations that you learn the most. You learn more about yourself than anything whenever you are presented with toxic situations. You learn about how you react, how you feel and internalize things, and how you work your way through it.
I heard someone say that the hardest thing to do is to figure out whether to cut someone off or give them time to evolve to a higher mental space. I am all about protecting myself, and my mental health is number 1 priority. I have been taught by people pretending to care about me and those who didn't pretend at all how to keep my distance from the tiniest shady vibes. The most subtle vibes can be picked up from people when you tell them about your plans, achievements, goals, and dreams, you can feel their vibes through the silence and lack of attention. It can be hurtful at first, but we have to know how these people truly feel. Being an empath, I know before I ever share things that are important to me with people, me sharing the information and actually seeing their response is just confirmation. This is one way that I learned to trust my intuition about people. I am wrong about a lot of things, but I am NEVER wrong about people.
If you have family members who are difficult to deal with, you have to create boundaries for yourself and the protection for your mental health. You must create a safe distance for yourself if this is a family member that's unavoidable. The social media climate is promoting cutting everyone off who shows you even a glimpse of a toxic vibe. I am not a follower of that culture, and I like to think for myself. I do as I feel. So I like the theory of Sadhguru and I use it, who says, if you can accept just 50% of what someone is, you will have a wonderful life full of wonderful relationships. He says your family, your friends, even your pets, just accept half of what they are, half of who they are. Most likely they have a half that you love, and this is what makes your feelings confusing for you. Do they not accept you and half of who you are? He says if you get rid of everyone for the least offense, you will live a empty life, a lonely life. I guess this okay, if you like lonely.
I get what he's saying, we all go through our toxic times, and fall out of alignment with who we are. We all go through tough times and have been miserable before. All of us have been out of alignment, but do we stay there? It affects me more to be around someone full of toxic emotion, anger, frustration, and disappointment because of my empathic nature. I literally have to find seclusion to recharge or I will feel it all, and I have to put an armor of light around myself for protection, so that I emit my vibes, instead of absorbing theirs. I have absorbed many of times, become drained, lowered my vibes, especially if I have a connection to the person. The more I seclude, the more I feel, then the more I have to stay away. Sometimes I don't want to feel.
I had to learn not to try to fix everything so that I could feel better, because they feel better. This is co-dependency at its finest and it is selfish too. Trying to make everything alright so that you don't feel the unpleasant emotions of others, is not your job. We all have to work it out for ourselves. God showed me, that I am not in control, I have to let life flow. I had to learn this.
Then you have the people who lie to you and you know that they're lying, but the problem is, their supposed to love you. You know that they're lying to protect themselves, and that is where I have to respect them. Everyone has lied to protect themselves, from shame, blame, being judged, being made fun of, it's human nature to preserve and protect the self. But when people are lying to protect themselves with selfish motives, it becomes an entirely different story. We have all done and said things that we aren't proud of, but that's how we learned. When we lie, we learn. When we deal with people who chronically lie, we learn, but we also learn to get away from them. I hear people say, "I don't understand why they have to lie," well I do, I understand because I can see myself in them. They think that they are protecting themselves.
Whenever you have someone in your life who chronically complains, and never looks for a way to fix their complaint, it is time for you to move around. I am brave enough to point out all of the good things going on in a person's life when they complain, and they usually agree, and it lightens the mood. I do this to myself too, for instance, this morning, I was complaining about some things that have been going on in my life, and in mid complaint, I caught myself. I said, "I'm falling for it, I am falling into a trap, a trap of lack, this is taking me back." I reversed the conversation with myself and started giving thanks for all of the things and experiences in my life. I stopped judging them as good or bad, and looked at them as necessary. Experiences are necessary for our faith, for our strength, and for our advancement into a higher place.
Then you have the people who you know don't mean you any good, the ones who make comments talking badly about you indirectly, trying to belittle you in ways, not showing you any respect, or support, and you must protect yourself without coming outside of yourself. The goal is to stick up for yourself and be firm in your boundaries. You don't have to go back and forth with these people, get into arguments with them, but you can remove yourself from the presence of these people. And if you find that you have to live with someone who treats you like this, you could be plotting and preparing for your exit. This is vital for your mental health.
It is the difficult situations and difficult people that bring you to your highest self. It is in difficult situations that you learn how to climb mountains, you become creative, and you build resilience.
In difficult situations that you are faced with going inside of yourself to see what part you play in being in the uncomfortable situation, and you search for ways to liberate yourself from it. You face every toxic emotion, and you come to know for sure that giving up is not an option for you. You realize that it all depends on you, and you have to pull yourself out of it.
In difficult situations is when I truly got to know God and how God dwells in me. I got a clear overstanding of faith, and the necessity of faith. I learned to take 100% responsibility for everything that happens in my life. I got a clear look at my choices and what I had done in the past, that led me to my results. I began to wake up, and clear the mess out of my life, and to set real boundaries. I learned to have a mass amount of patience, and kindness for myself. I learned not to beat myself up because of the choices that led to my uncomfortableness, I became to inner stand that it is where I needed to be, this is how I would free myself from miserable things. Miserable things that I wouldn't let go of, anger, frustrations, the regrets, the humiliations, what others thought of me, how they saw me, pure fear, but more importantly, how I saw myself.
In difficult situations, you get to learn about yourself, then no one can tell you about yourself and who you are. You stopping concerning yourself with what others think about you, you realize that they aren't thinking about you at all, they're thinking about themselves. Whatever they think about you, is more about them, it's coming from within them.
In difficult situations you learn how not to be a difficult person. You learn to bring forth order through chaos. Because being that difficult person only brings you more difficulties, you find serenity. When you come out of the difficult situation you know gratitude and the power of gratitude.
With difficult people, you learn how to communicate effectively, you learn verbal judo, you become humble enough to walk away, and to stay away if you have to. Because one thing about pessimistic people, toxic people, is they are looking forward to arguments and confusion, and they're looking for someone to blame. It doesn't have to be you, it could be anyone, but it will be someone, they will find someone to blame.
Difficult people teach you the toughest lessons, because they bring you to a point of inner self control. You start to see that the Universe is testing you, and you will be presented with the same tests until you pass them. You become aware of your vibration that is attracting these experiences into your path. You begin to look inside of yourself and you see them, and where they are mentally. You get to see their inner child coming out, crying for attention, even if it is negative attention. If you look with the right eye, every person that you meet, you get to see the inner child in them. You can see the inner child in them, because you can see the inner child in you. We are all recovering from our childhood wounds and experiences. Some people don't realize this, and they feel like because they have grown-up responsibilities, and look grown, that they are grown, and all that childhood stuff is behind them. We still have that inner child that hasn't been tended to and cared for. We must acknowledge our inner child, and let our inner child know that we are here and we aren't leaving it, we aren't going to abandon it.
Healing our inner child is breaking toxic habits and cycles. We will do the most work on ourselves in this lifetime.
It's in dealing with difficult people that you develop tolerance and patience for people, and the same for yourself. You cultivate the peace that is unshakable. You don't fall for the tricks anymore, the tricks of handing over the control of your emotional state and emotional reactions to other people. You become to overstand that people may tempt you or trigger you, but it is up to you in whether you allow it to get to you. The triggers are always the guides. It's up to you to allow someone to bring you out of your peaceful state, to ruin your day, and rule your livelihood.
In dealing with difficult situations and people, you learn to take control over your responses, your internal state of being, you inner stand that it belongs to you.
As a child, we knew how to deal with difficult people. We knew how to migrate through the difficult situations. Even though it was stressful because we felt like we didn't have an outlet, control, or escape because we were children, we learned how to survive. We learned how to forgive for our own selves, so that we could feel better. But we also learned how to push pain inside, and that pain bubbles and surfaces up, because it is time to heal it. Heal your inner child, remember your inner child. I can clearly see her, and sometimes it becomes painful to look.
inner child: a person's supposed original or true self, especially when regarded as damaged or concealed by negative childhood experiences.
"you may still be acting out the pain suffered by your inner child"
Your inner child knows who you are, and it wants you to remember who you are, it knows your purpose, and it is trying to set you free.
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Raquel Givens Jones
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